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You're looking at The Valentine to Apple, one position of many in The Snuggie Sutra.

The Valentine to Apple

My dearest Apple,

Happy Valentine's Day, you sweet peach.

I hope that this Valentine's Day finds you even more full of love than ever before. Particularly, for me.

As you surely remember, just a few months back you rejected my advances. I wanted to be with you, and you wouldn't have me. In fact, you stopped talking to me all together.

I don't know what I did to upset you, and I really hope that, on this day of love and adoration, you will reconsider. Take me back. Let me show you the many, many ways we can romance each other. With a Snuggie.

Love,
The Snuggie Sutra

The Valentine to Apple from The Snuggie Sutra
The Valentine to Apple is a web exclusive.
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